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View from a Short Perspective: November 2020

by Bill Indek

You might be a redneck if your favorite fruit is Crunch Berries.


I met a guy who said his parents were of mixed religions, His mom was Catholic and his Dad was Jewish. So, he went to confession with a lawyer.

It is time for Indek Anecdote. So, pull up a chair, get a glass of wine, lower your facemask and read on- There is a report from the Los Angeles Zoo that the animals there have reacted to the lack of visitors (Really). So, here come my thoughts:


1. The Zoo Staff has issued iPhones to the animals so they can at least keep in touch with their zoo-mates. Problems- a) the elephants can easily remember their fellow creatures- but due to the size of their feet- have a hard time texting. b) The otters complain that their phones are not waterproof enough and that reception is lousy. - They give a dam! c) Alligators are all in- but cannot hold the phone next to their ears due to having....alligator arms d) The birds in the aviary keep pooping on their phones causing their calls to be called... s--itty.


2. In a related issue: the Primates have formed a lobby group called- Apes for Pole Exercise (A.P.E.) They want to have the playground facility formerly called Monkey Bars to be renamed as they felt it was not highlighting their range of abilities. They also want to defund the caretakers association as they felt there was too much.... monkeying around.


Contagious... no not what you think. A couple of my running friends and I met at a local restaurant for outdoor dining and socializing. Half way through it the skies opened up and rain came down really hard. We took refuge under a larger tent- keeping some distance between us and 2 other couples. Other customers ran away to their cars. So, being who I am I stepped close to the edge of the tent and did my Monty Python Voice and said, “It is merely a flesh wound.” At that point 2 of the men from the other couples broke in to wide smiles and they did their favorite Python lines, “I am not quite dead yet”, ‘ I require a shrubbery”, etc. So for the next 20 minutes we had an ad hoc Monty Python review making the night even more memorable.


Little-known fact: the famous author- J.D. Salinger, who wrote The Catcher in the Rye, had a lesser-known sequel- Pitcher in the Whole Wheat. Both books were given unfavorable reviews by the Gluten Free Society. 


I met a guy who was upset that his Paranoid Anonymous Support Group would not tell him where the meetings were.


One more: You might be a redneck if your highest score is your cholesterol.

Met another guy who recently purchased one of those glass enclosed ant farms to watch during the Pandemic. He complained that he could not find a tractor small enough to fit in to it. Just saying.


Sports of Sorts

No races to report. Still staying in shape via running, yoga on own and playing in a Senior Softball League on Sunday mornings. During the late July- August games the temperature and humidity was   so high that we all felt like we were melting-literally. Then in mid Sept. The temps for the start of our Sunday games were down around 50 degrees. As one of the- oldest guys in the league- I have started to announce myself – rather than have walk up music- as – here comes... the Neanderthal. It gets chuckles but no sympathy. 


Went on my annual Fall Camping Trip in Oct to the Adirondack Mts. And- no, I no longer stay in a tent. At age 70— 3 years ago— I decided it was time to pamper myself- so I stay in a cabin. My kids call it “glamping.” Met a Park Ranger who told me to watch out for a rogue Mountain Lion. I responded: “I know how to stop a charging Mountain Lion: take away his credit card.”

Bill


#humor #running #sport

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