(Because running can be funny, and should be fun) by Bill Indek
You might be a redneck if you think yoga is a Dairy product.
Met a guy and his young son in a local park. They had just moved from Brooklyn and he was telling me how much he loved the Coney Island hot dogs. When I asked him his son’s name, he said, "Nathan" (really). FRANKLY- it is pretty funny.
Somebody broke in to a Fishing Supply and Equipment store and stole valuable things. As we are now living in the political correctness times, the police have categorized this as a… bait crime!
A shoplifter in Canada assaulted the store clerk with a large chocolate bunny (true). This criminal act is clearly a hare-brained idea.
Scientists in Canada have actually discovered that mushrooms can communicate with other mushrooms. So if one mushroom is a real party animal--so to speak-- then he could be called….a fungi.
Students at a local bartending school complained that it was impossible to get on the honor roll because of…pour grades!
A circus clown wakes up one morning and tells his wife that his neck is stiff, Her: “Maybe you slept…funny.”
You still may be a redneck if there are slot machines in the background of your wedding photo.
Where do you go for a drink if you want to complain? A whine bar!
After the FBI raided the Florida home of former Pres. Trump- they found the following: 1. A plan to name him King for life--removing those pesky elections. He would claim it as a legal move as he was raised in… Queens. He would also name Rudy Giuliani as Court Jester and former NY Governor Andrew Cuomo as Master of Ceremonies for the Ms. America Pageant.
2. A plan was found for the creation of a Nancy Pelosi Statue to be placed on the roof of the White House so pigeons would have a new target. 3. A proposal to name the NFL Pittsburgh Steelers as the Official Team of the imagined plots to the 2020 Election.
3, Creation of a Trump Presidential Library but it would be called the Hall of Tweets.
4. There was even a proposal to work with NASA to create a Trump Golf Course on the Moon. The sand traps are huge and as there is no atmosphere- long golf shots go really long. There will also be a sand trap in a large crater named Hillary the Deplorable.
In another government news item- it was discovered that when President Biden was in middle dchool he wrote an essay on his role model, Elmer Fudd! That could explain a lot. Just saying.
And--in real news--Trump's lawyer team says, “Too much is being made of his taking files home. Says it is just like having a book too long from the library.” What type of fiction is he reading?
What happens when a Frog’s car dies? He gets a Jump. If that does not work he has to get it toad.
True news fact: a man in India is suing his wife for divorce as she only cooks noodles!! Sounds like the relationship is…. Pasta the point of reconciliation.
Oxymoron time: I met a guy at the local barber shop who was complaining that his 6-year-old car was having water enter it and nobody can find how it does.
Me: "What type of car is it?”
Him: “An Infinity.”
Me: “Infinity! And it is only six years old. What would Buzz Lightyear say as he is of the quote ‘To Infinity and Beyond!’” Just saying.
And-- one more: You really may be a redneck if you celebrated your divorce with a party at Chuck E Cheese.
During the summer there were a number of outdoor activities in my area and there always were porta-potties there. So, what if the owner of the P-P company had 2 boys--would he dare name them John and Peewee? Just wondering.
SPORTS OF SORTS
Went to a minor leagues game--my annual Brooklyn trip--to see the Mets Farm Team the Brooklyn Cyclones play the Greensboro Grasshoppers. Fun time and we stopped for our tradition of gracious dining on the boardwalk at Coney Island with, yes, Nathan's hot dogs and fries. Observation: there are labor shortages all across the country and at the game there was a heavy dude cheerleader and 1-2 females when it used to be a full squad of cheerleaders. Cyclones won, 6-5.
Finally got some fitness after fixing muscle/health issues and started playing in my Rockland County Senior Softball league again--year #33 in late July. It is a 40-and-up league so I needed to be in decent shape. We won a double header on my first day back- 7/24/22 and I played half of each game as a short fielder (hybrid softball position in the infield). I contributed by raising the average age of the team, lowering the average height, and playing ok--no fielding errors and got a hit.
The National Masters News Magazine has the individual rankings for the past 2021-22 Indoor Masters Meets. Glad to be able to compete in at least 3 before injuries slowed and then stopped me. I ranked 15th in the nation in the men’s 60-meter dash--and yes, there were guys ranked behind me.