View From A Short Perspective: February 2020
by Bill Indek
You might be a redneck if you bring your pregnant wife to the supermarket because they have free delivery.
Under the heading- you cannot make this stuff up- A laundromat owner in Atlantic City has been charged with… laundering money for her husband’s drug business. Now she really is in hot water.
What does xxx stand for? Three rednecks cosigning a note.
In yoga class the teacher had us do a pose where we are keeling down with our hands clasped and out in front of us. She called it the dolphin pose as the hands were shaped like the nose of the dolphin. I said, “The whole thing sounds.. fishy”. (Yes, I know they are mammals—but that would not sound funny). Later in class she had us do a laying down pose for rejuvenation with 2 bocks under us in the shape of the letter “T.” I said, “I cannot do it as I have dyslexia.”
Here in N.J.: a Rutgers Prof is using a N.A.S.A. grant to study extraterrestrial life on other planets. He was encouraged by seeing an Air Bnb sign on Jupiter.
Oxymoron time: a local 24-Hour Fitness Gym posted a notice: ‘The gym will be closed from midnight- AM.” Hmm!
Back in DECEMBER: Prez Trump attended the NATO meeting in London and was upset that fellow Leaders derided him behind his back. He stamped his feet and flew back to America. When asked about it on his return, he said, "When the Leader of Turkey spoke, I considered it to be…fowl.”
With climate changes has come the warming up of the waters off of Iceland. The fishermen have been forced to travel in to the waters of other nations to catch mackerel. One group that is affiliated with a religious sect was caught in British waters. When asked about it, they said, “Holy mackerel.”
Did you hear about the shoe repairman who played the guitar? Now that is….sole music.
Toss back memory time: the school district that I worked at for 36 years has been without a teacher contract since last June. The same thing happened back in 2004 while I was there. We had early AM Teacher demonstrating with signs prior to 8 AM. The signs were fairly generic- like “quality education deserves quality pay.”
Anyhow, I felt creative and made my own one up. It said, “Where is Tanya Harding now that we need her!” Boy, talk about getting people’s attention!
Heard about a billionaire Hedge Fund Owner looking to buy a controlling interest in the NY Mets Team. Wow- I did not know there was so much money in shrubbery. As the team always seems to have issues- it seems appropriate that a dude involved with trees may be a …. sap.
I read an article about a unique trade school in NYC that trains baristas (i.e. folks who learn to brew and make all types of coffee) . I imagine that if someone does well at the school that it can be said that he ….urned good grades.
The producers of Frozen have created a sequel to acknowledge climate change. They are calling it…. Thawed. Critics have dampened the public’s expectations.
Sports of sorts
While helping out as a volunteer track coach recently at Glen Ridge HS- the Coach had advised the team members to wear proper attire for the upcoming cold weather. So, I contributed by saying, “Coach, how can they run if they are wearing a tire?” Groans!
You have heard the cliché about sports and surprise results. Well it happened in January when the Ravens- the heavy fave to go to the Super Bowl lost to the Titans. Folks in Baltimore are in mourning.
Ran my first Indoor Masters Track Meet out on Long Island- placed 5thout of 6 in a mixed-age 60-meter race . Was 2ndin over 70 and was the oldest. Time was fair as I ran but did not really race as I was not mentally geared up to fire out. Hopefully next races will have that fire.
Next chance: ran the 55 meter dash at Monmouth University Showcase Meet on 1/22. Thanks to some good tips from my yoga teacher on some imbalances—ran much better: 3rdout of 3 Masters. But the other two guys were ages 50 and 54- so I was 20 plus years more vintage. My time was much better and just missed the regional level running age performance of 70%ile nationally—was at 69.88. Good sign. A good buddy said that my form was excellent— needed an outside observer to give me that feedback.