by Bill Indek
You You still may be a redneck if your neighbors know you snore.
Question: if God sneezes, what do you say?
A blind individual is invited by his neighbor to come over for Passover. The wife hands him a matzoh. He touches it and then says: Who wrote this crap?”
A blast from the past- when I was visiting colleges in central Mass, some years ago- the student tour guide said- after showing us some dorms- and the meal plan has 3 meals a day. So, I asked, “What happens when the fourth student shows up?”
Passed an ice cream parlor called the Magic Fountain. It was permanently closed. So, that is some magic as the parlor’s business disappeared. And- on same day passed a storefront business that had a bartending school- really. So, if one of the students showed up drunk- he could really say that he was studying too hard!
On the road saw a great set of notices on the rear of a dump truck. On the left with an arrow- it said “Grateful.” On the right side of the rear with an arrow said “Dead.”
On another road trip- this was on my way to my annual Fall Camping Trip to the Adirondack Mts., passed a flat bed truck hauling storage sheds. Got to thinking- yes, I know that is dangerous- what if one of those fell off- the driver could actually say to the police, “Shed happens.” Just saying.
And, one more road observation- a large truck that belongs to the Tribe Express Trucking Company pulled up along side me at a light. Hmm… If Moses and my people had one of those back in the day- we may not have needed 40 years to get to the promised land.
Shared thought: a while back we were reading about the riots in Portland, Oregon. Some of the more frenzied protestors were throwing Molotov Cocktails at the Police. Well, if a protestor was not that angry- could he instead toss a …Molotov Spritzer?
Question: are there any racists in a School for the Blind?
President Trump is the first President in quite a time not to have a pet dog. I know why: he is his own best friend.
A Mortuary School in Idaho has gone to virtual learning. When students protested – they were told it was a dead issue. When they asked for refunds- they claimed they were ‘stiffed” by the school.
In Seasonal News- Santa has announced that he will no longer be going down chimneys. His elves had formed a zero carbon footprint society and threatened to strike if he continued. Updates from the North Pole – which is currently under water due to climate change- are not available. But there was a note found in a bottle that washed up on the shore of Bayonne, NJ.
Sports of Sorts
Heard about a group of NYC Transvestites forming their own tennis tournament. They will only play mixed doubles.
The NY Jets have been playing so poorly this year that a group of fans has suggested they change their name to the NY Gliders.
Actually had a fundraiser running event in November- A Coastal Improvement Race. Held in Asbury Park- 3.1 miles on the boardwalk. As a sprinter this was long, but I made it before they took down the finishing line. Met a former student on the boardwalk. She was in the Glen Ridge HS Class of 1979. I met her when she was 14 – now she is almost 60! I also had her kids in the 1990’s at GRHS. Now they have kids of their own. Dang!
The NY Jets and Giants both use Met Life Stadium for their home games. Ironic - playing so badly they may as well apply for Disability Insurance from Met Life. Just saying.