by Bill Indek
You might be a redneck if you ended a marriage with a Post-It Note.
And—you might be a redneck if your baby shower has a 3-drink minimum.
Hope all of you are ok and are healthy and have kept this situation in perspective. Saw a funny FB post by a former student of mine—real NJ Way to look at this: 12 PM -Corona Virus arrives in Newark. 12:03 pm – Corona Virus shot.
Under the category of “Wow, they still remember my shtick”: I stopped by my former place of employment—Glen Ridge HS – and was chatting with some folks when the Guidance Counselor who replaced me shared with the group a story he had heard about me. Back in 2006 a senior citizen in town was coming to the school for a program and got confused and drove up the walkway to the front of the building. I came out and he looked at me and said,” how do I get out of here?” I responded, “Well, in order to graduate you need four years of English, three years of history…” The Vice Principal almost soiled himself he was laughing so hard. I then told the bewildered citizen to relax and I drove his car back down the walkway.
In my Yoga Class the teacher forgot to invoke the chanting of Om, which is how each class begins. At the end of class she realized and apologized. I said-“do not worry, as we can always tell people that we are ….omless”.
True story… I met a guy at a local Starbucks and he introduced himself by saying he is named for a prophet, Mohammed. My response—being who I am—was: “wow you are named for a profit. I am named for a deficit—Bill”
The music business in an attempt to be current has said that the song “Paradise by Dashboard Light” that was made famous by the group Meatloaf is being reissued by a new group called Tofu. In the original, sports announcer Phil Rizzuto is recorded talking about exciting plays. In the new version, the Houston Astros will be featured recording stolen signals from the catcher.
Two retired teachers meet up for lunch and are reminiscing. The first one says: “ I became an elementary school teacher as I wanted to make a difference with young kids.” The second one says: ”I was inspired by the Bible.” His friend says, “How did that happen?” His response is, “Well, when I came across the line about going forth and multiplying, I felt it was a message from God that I should become a Math Teacher!”
Read an article in the NY Times about the growing number of nudists in America—10 million! So, wouldn’t it be something if one ran for President in 2024. Boy, talk about a large viewing total for those debates. And—I am sure the nudists will be out in large numbers when it comes time to vote—as they could really say that… they have skin in the game.
With Easter and Baseball starting this month—got to thinking—what if Jesus and the Disciples were around now and hired a Baseball agent to promote them. Examples – One of the Disciples wants a Sandal Endorsement Deal. Or—They tried to create a follow-up to the successful Last Supper painting-but it did not work well as it was billed as The Next To The Last Lunch. How about if they formed a softball team and when they win—shower Jesus with water and wait for him to turn it in to wine for the post-game celebration. And— Simon strikes, as he wants a better chair at the Last Supper. Or—Judas says that he wants to be traded where he can have top billing. The deal was cash and a centurion to be named later.
Heard that the movie Birds of Pray won an award. What if one of them is an atheist? What—oh Prey. My bad.
Sports of Sorts
Well, I am starting my 30th year playing with the same team in the Rockland, NY Senior League. It is for guys 40 and up—so I really have to work at staying competitive with my skills as I am…well, a lot older. Great bunch of guys—for 2 hours every Sunday—we are kids again. Assuming a return to normalcy soon.
I am a volunteer coach again this year for the Glen Ridge HS Track Team. This is my 12thyear as a volunteer. Reflecting back on my time as the Coach from 1981-2003 and the Indoor Coach for 10 years too—this will be my-------46thseason helping kids learn to run faster in circles. And again—season is in doubt.
Last Indoor Meet was held at St. Anthony’s HS Field House in Huntington, Long Island. Sign outside said, “Home of the Friars.” Did not know that chickens had a school. Performed OK, but not overly thrilled with my time results in the 60 and 200 meter events. Still trying to tinker with effective and smart training as an old man sprinter. Won medals in both—as not many 70 year olds sprint.
Fun as usual hanging with my oldster peeps. The wonderful part was the huge support that teenagers with disabilities received from those in attendance. Some of the kids had to be coaxed to run and finish—but—wow—did they feel good about themselves after they finished. I spoke with their coach and told him what an amazing job he is doing for these kids. Another special feature was the support that a friend of mine—Pat Sonti—got from us as he was just released from the hospital 2 days before for cancer treatment. He is a 62-year-old competitor and he was truly moved by our support.