by Bill Indek
You might be a redneck if your dog farts so loud that the national weather service names them.
And- you may still be a redneck if you hired a Kiss tribute band for your mom’s funeral.
Have you heard about the Eskimo lottery? You have to be Inuit to win it.
Missed opportunity- recently when I was in a UPS Store- a customer came in with a large package and wanted a quote on the cost to ship it. When he left, I said to the store owner : “ Peter-. You missed a great chance to impress the customer. When he asked for a quote, you could have said: to paraphrase Shakespeare- To mail, or not to mail. That is the question”. He looked at me and said-“ No Bill- that is your type of quick wit, not mine”.
Dark humor time- revised mental health hotline responses:
Press one if you are compulsive, Press one if you are compulsive, press one if you are compulsive.
If you are codependent- have someone press 2 for you.
Heard a good put down line- “If stupid could fly- you would be a jet”.
OK Buddies- I have had my iced coffee so here is another Indek observation.. In the news today( really) it was reported that China has launched in to space a rocket that will land on Mars for their own research . Hmm- now that is a long way to go for takeout. And- as it is Chinese food we are considering- does that mean that after the exploration- there will be a desire to go back and do it again?
Here come another Indek anecdote. With the pandemic standard of maintaining the 6 foot separation- one group has come forward indicating that they cannot abide by this- a spokesman for ...Amoeba Lives Matter says that they cannot physically comply due to being.... well they are amoebas.
And- while we are on the subject of the Pandemic- why not get a jump on the future profitability of this issue. I call it a pre-nostalgia move – we will collect items from 2020 that stand out. So- we will put in a box – face masks, hand sanitizers, signs with social distancing on them, a cutout of Prez Trump saying this is all a hoax, a song about flattening the curve, etc. Then at the right time- we can sell these to folks who were just kids when this happened. Just a thought.
What do you do to a mime who says “dirty things?” Tell him to go wash his hands!!!
Did you hear about the Algebra teacher who confiscated a student’s rubber band while in class. It was a case of…. Math Disruption.
In Connecticut- a man decapitated his landlord after an argument about over due rent. Hmm- this would mean a reduction in the overhead costs no doubt. Just saying.
New twist on a biblical quote-“ The meek shall inherit the earth. They are too intimidated to turn it down.”
Hi Buddies- you know what time it is- it is time for more Mr. Bill's observations - ready or not.
With the upcoming Presidential Debate- I got to thinking about our 2 vintage candidates:
They could just as easily be running for Class Officer at the Senior Citizen home- with that in mind- here they come-
1. Biden- and if I am elected for- say what position I am running for- oh yeah- Prez- I will make sure that all residents get free denture cleaning and their walkers will have free oil and lube tune ups. And- to be carbon neutral- while you walk on the center's treadmill- we will be hooked up to the generator that will provide power to us.
2. Trump- when you play miniature golf at our course you will be allowed to alter your score. And- we will build a wall around the Center to keep out the folks from the Center south of us.
Moderator- the winner of this election gets to use the Official Center Golf Cart- Air Farce One,
That is it for now.
Sports of sorts
Thank goodness for my senior softball league. We are only playing about 50% of the usual season- but we all really appreciate some semblance of normalcy. Oh, and yes- we do lose more than we win- but it is a great bunch of guys.