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View from a Short Perspective: January 2021

by Bill Indek

As all of us would say, “Please, 2021, do not be like 2020 and be a #*%$!”

You might be a redneck if you are patted down after leaving a yard sale.

Feel good comment: I got this on Facebook from a former student of mine: “Hi, Mr. Indek. What a nice surprise to reconnect. I was the Class of 1989 at Glen Ridge HS. My oldest son is a senior in high school this year and I routinely lament that his guidance counselor is “no Mr. Indek!” Thank you, all these years later, for your support and encouragement 30 years ago. I hope you are well.” Jessica.

You still might be a redneck if you have a sign outside your home that says: “Mess with me and you mess with the whole trailer park!”

Read in a catalogue about a talking weight scale that will tell you your weight so you do not have to look down. Hmm- wouldn’t be fun to add dialogue to it. So, if a heavy person gets on it- possible comments could be: 1. Hey, one at a time. 2 You are so obese that I bet your HS Graduation picture had to be an aerial photo.

Idea for future presidential debates in 2024: How about a Pinocchio version of each candidate so that when he or she tells a fib, their nose grows.

On the way back from camping, I heard this country song named “She thinks my tractor is sexy.” Really. This will give new meaning to John Deere (Dear). Just saying.

Hi, FB Buddies. In the spirit of helping you with post holiday gift ideas- I came up with a new version of the GPS-The Redneck Where Are We (RWAW). The voice is that of Larry the Cable Guy and besides giving -unusual directions- it will do commentary as you drive. Here are some examples:

1. "Isn't today the start of hunting season?"

2. Directions to the local liquor store— go down the road apiece and pass the Bubba Wallace Elementary School (where I spent the best 10 years of my life and got tenure in 3rd grade as a student) then hang a right by the Suds laundromat then due a U Turn at the Klan BBQ Cafe and then you will be there- or at least close.

3. As you drive to the trailer park where your parents live the RWAW will ask, “Do you think you can spit out the window and hit that sign?" And then comment, "Boy, my old dog can walk faster than you drive. Come on, step on it!

4. As you drive to the convenience store, the RWAW will ask you to pick up some Twizzlers.

5. And: “What is that smell? Are you still wearing that old Dale Earnhardt T shirt? You realize that this is grounds for my stopping working!"

Old News: Had a great Thanksgiving in 2020-vacation with the family in Florida. Had not seen the Grandkids in over 1 year. Had a chance to watch my 15 year old Grand son play in a Baseball Tournament- he is 15 and the league is 15-19. Very supportive team members and they even played walk up music for each kid. For Sammy, they played “Short People.” Funny! While staying at a Beach House near Orlando, we had a sea turtle living in the area. Really. One day as I was standing in the driveway-, he crossed the street and walked right up to me with a look that said WTF (Really, again) as I was in his way to the beach. He slowly moved around me and then pooped in the driveway. Animal version of non-verbal behavior. My oldest named him Soup, as in Turtle Soup.


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