(Because running can be funny, and should be fun) by Bill Indek
You may be a redneck if you think the great divide is Ford vs. Chevy.
If Physics professors have an unsuccessful experiment, they can literally say, “What’s the Matter?”
What did the digital clock say to the Grandfather clock? “ Look Grandpa, no hands”
What type of toy always complains? A Kvetch a sketch.
You may still be a redneck if you have a family portrait done by the court photographer.
Rutgers University, the flagship member of the NJ State College system has set a dubious record. Its Athletic Dept. budget for big time Division 1 sports (They play schools like Ohio State and U. Of Michigan) had a budget deficit of over $20 million this past year. They used to play in the Big East. Their reason for shifting 5 years ago was—guess what?—to make more money. So, I suggest that they change the name of their teams from The Scarlet Knights to the Big Red (as in deficit).
This is true: a bar was opened at the NYC Subway Station located on 50th Street. Its name is Nothing Really Matters. I can see it now— a guy orders a martini and says— ‘Hold the Graffiti.” Hmm—considering all the violence in the subway system—maybe a Bloody Mary would be a better choice.
What did the baseball card say to the flash card? Don’t you have any shame!!!
Read about a real program called the Divorce Registry. Works on the same principle as the wedding one. Hmm— sort of like hearing that there is a forest fire and offering marshmallows for sale. Just saying.
In world of Yoga— the teacher was showing us postures that would protect our knees— as the knee is the main hinge in the body. Me: ‘ so what you are saying is that if you have a knee problem— you could be labelled as un-hinged”
A story was recently published about a Starbucks employee who spit in to the cup of coffee being prepared for a cop. Did Starbucks charge more money for it as it had an extra ingredient? As it is coffee— the cop would have….grounds for suing.
Baseball stuff— with some major league games being cancelled at the start of the season— due to the labor disagreement there was a posting about the Mets new pitcher— Max Scherzer who had signed with them for mega— bucks. For every game he misses— it will cost him— $235,000, Really. If he pitches 100 pitches in a game— which is probably too high nowadays – each pitch is worth— $2,350. A fan catching a foul ball should try to cash it in.
Saw a great headline in the NY Post about toilet paper rolls having less paper— headline— tush came to shove!!!
Sports of sorts
1. National Masters Organization has ranked me 86th in the nation for men 75—79 in the 50 meter dash while in the 100 meters I am ranked 129th. OK for a former distance runner who converted over at age 70. These were for the 2021 Outdoor Track Season. And yes— there were guys behind me in the rankings.
2. Sports Psychology 101— at an early season high school relay meet— I tried to psychologically help out one of our freshmen. He was entered in the 4x 100—meter relay and was stationed at the 3rd exchange zone. As the smallest and youngest among other team’s 3rd leg runners— two of whom were big football player types—I stood near them and casually said— “he may look small but he is Olympic Sprinter Usain Bolt’s cousin!” They smiled and did not get intimidated but it did give him a boost.
3. Attended a baseball game at Camden Yards in Baltimore on 4/16 as we were in Maryland to celebrate the wife’s birthday. Fun time— Yankee fans almost equaled the Orioles’ fans.
4. Not much to report for running and softball— getting physical therapy for a muscle imbalance.